it's a wild world

So, I've been going to the gym. Last night I went out and went a bit wild, which was totally fun. Made some new friends and got on with this hot guy ;) He has my number but I doubt he'll call, haha. I don't mind anyways he seemed like he would just be fun for a night anyways.

I don't know how much else I can stress on how much I want to lose weight and get a nice body. I don't have the greatest ass or tummy or legs but I really want to get there. Since I've been going to the gym, the women in the changing room are very...free. Haha. You see all different types of bodies but then there are the ones where you can tell they are not ashamed of showing off. And then there's me cowering to the bathroom stalls to change into my gym clothes.

I sure as hell would show off my body if I had a good one!

On a more positive note, I feel sore. :) I downloaded an iPod app where there's a couch telling you when to change intervals, and I LOVE interval training! You never get bored and time goes by way quicker than just sticking to one pace. Another motivation is how many fitties there are in the gym! I definitely don't want to look like a loser who can't run straight for 10 minutes. My goal is to be able to run without slowing down for 20 minutes. I want to feel accomplished.

I miss my family, and my home. To a point where I want to take a year off.
We'll see what happens.

Love,
Sara x

i play with the angels at night, and bruise their little throats with my fingertips

I can't sleep, therefore I am posting.
I'm getting back into that habit of comparing myself with other people, which is making me feel shitty.
I've joined a gym (finally) and I'm starting tomorrow morning. To be honest, I'm excited. I want to get fit, I want to get in shape. The physical shape that my body is in right now is super revolting. But I guess everyone has a starting point.

I hate having issues with who I am. I don't like the way I look, the way I speak, the way my mind works. I don't know WHY I still not have come to terms with who I am and this is who I'll always be. It's fucking annoying. I even find myself annoying.

I don't understand. 

don't ever look back.

Autumn's here. I finally get to cuddle up in my favorite sweaters and scarves. No more sweat and long days. Here's to the cool chilly nights and vibrant lights.

The cold weather has always been a favorite. I understand why people love summer and blahblahblah but I feel like winter is a magical thing and the simplest things make you happy like coming into your warm room after coming from outside and then you have that little giddy feeling. Listening to soft Bon Iver music in the background while sipping on hot tea and reading through a book you've been meaning to get to. I'm such a nut for these things, but I love it, I really do.

I just feel like it'd be better if I had a nice warm boy to come home to instead.
I'm trying really hard to not look back to my past. 

now all your love is wasted

First day of uni was alright. Expected something different.
Turns out I didn't get into the class that I wanted because I arrived too late, but whatever. I shall get my spot soon.

Lately I feel like I haven't been myself. I don't even know what myself is. I'm totally at a loss here.
But yeah, as I said before... I feel like I'm just cruising through whatever right now. Maybe my period's coming soon? Whatever. I'm in a time of my life where I'm trying to find myself.

I've also been very nostalgic lately. That's not really good in my case as my past kind of sucks.

Love,
Sara xo

P.S. I love the Bon Iver version, but she does a wonderful job. And no, the song isn't about being skinny as many have failed to understand. Just listen.


I deleted all my old posts and kept the most recent. 

gotta let go

I woke up just a tad too early, school is only a 10 minute walk and I'm about an hour early. That's a good thing I guess :) Maybe next time I'll take the extra time to exercise or something.

I was having so much trouble figuring out what to wear! I'm going to an art school so obviously ~ what you wear it kind of important. Well, I want to make a good impression ha. Putting a little extra effort into how you look isn't always bad.

I'm so nervous for today I can't believe I'm finally starting Uni, it's quite frightening. No more high school or regular faces or the same routine everyday. University is different, it's unpredictable, it's awesome.

I'll definitely post later on what I did today/who I met/blahblahblabha.

First day of school outfit. Ha! My hand!

Love, 

Sara xo

i am human & i need to be loved

Moving into my new place tomorrow as well as attending my first day of school, I'm veryveryvery excited! :)

I've only been in London for two days now and I already feel my self in loss of contact with home. It's not really bothering me, but the fact that I notice it bothers me. Ha.

First night in London went out with a couple of friends. Got high+drunk. Fun times ;) Afterwards we got ourselves invited to LFW after Party, which was really fun and got to meet a ton of interesting people. The Fashion world is crazy, let me tell ya.

But yeah, other than that nothing else has been really on my mind lately. I'm just currently cruising my way through. I hope my first year of uni will be eventful...in a good way.


Love,
Sara xo

PS: I just re-read my last post. Jesus I'm fucking bipolar.

you tore my tears away and fed them to the dogs

...
I have not posted in so long.
I've been neglecting this blog so much.


Well, I guess it's better late than never.

Life updates:

I've been taking to exS lately. I think I'm falling for him again, who knows.
I've moved to London officially. I start university on Monday.
I ate chicken today, I feel disgusting. Not happening again.
I have realized why I hate my hometown so much. Everyone is just so freaking fake. Except for Jde and Wbs. I love them to death.
'BF' S sometimes makes me hate myself, she just gives off that feeling.

I don't know, what else.

I'm in that depressive phase again. Where I just want to be alone and talk to no one and just focus on other things rather than pleasing people.

It gets tiring.


A more meaningful post shall soon come.

Love,
Sara xoxo

inkinkink

For someone who likes tattoos, the most precious thing is bare skin.

- Cher

I would LOVE to get inked. I have different ideas in mind. Firstly, getting it all perfect so that when I do get tattooed, it will be perfect and I will be able to forever look upon the picture that has meaning and feel that I am TRULY connected with it. I think tattoos are so beautiful, they way each image comes with a story full of emotions and memories.

That's going to be the first thing I'm going to do when I hit 18. I don't know, these type of things have been on my mind lately. I just absolutely can not wait for a new life.

What are your opinions on tattoos? If you'd like to get one, what would they be? & if you already have some, what are they and what's the story behind it?

Love,

xoxo

//

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”

-Sylvia Plath

I've been so stressed out. Well, I wouldn't be surprised, I have my exams in around a month, I'm going to graduate and get out of high school, I will then be doing art for the rest of my life, I will be able to concentrate on more important things rather than 'Will I pass math?' I just absolutely can not wait. I was at school for 16 hours today, sorting out the finals of my art things to send off to the examiners. I'm excited, but terrified.

I wish to be in peace, and just be content with my life. I usually think that I'm better off on my own, taking care of myself in my own way and no one can say anything about it. I desire to reach out and take what I wish to be mine. I'm just waiting for the next chapter of my live to start because I'm so tired of this one. I'm in that part of the book where nothing really happens but boring, senseless drama. Hopefully the next chapter will be exciting, adventurous, romantic and all those fun things you enjoy from a book. That's how I wish my life would be like.

A fiction book. That would be just lovely.

What do you hope to happen in your next chapter?